Relationship Cords: What They Are and How to Work With Them

Photo by Diana Simumpande on Unsplash

Mary’s note: This post was originally published in January 2019. I have updated it as of February 2021. The section “Why your ex calls after a cord-cutting” reflects my evolved understanding of this phenomenon, as well as a recommended resource to learn more.

In a previous blog post, I talked about five common energetic and intuitive experiences that many people have, but don’t frequently talk about. When I shared the link on social media, it got quite a lot of interest! I probably shouldn’t have been surprised at that. After all, the whole point was that far more people are sensitive to energy than are willing to talk about it, while energy healers are totally familiar with these common phenomena and can help you when they get to be bothersome. (Or better yet, we can keep your energy clear so they’re less likely to be a problem in the first place).

I realized after I shared it that I left a BIG one out of that list. This issue is so common that it’s deserving of a dedicated post, so maybe it was for the better.

That issue is relationship cords.

What do you mean by cords?

If you’re not familiar with the concept, it’s this: When we’re in relationship with other people - any kind of relationship - energetic connections develop between us. For those who can “see” energy, these appear as cords that run between people, connecting their chakras. If you’re a sensitive person, you may have even felt cords between you and another person, even if you didn’t have a word for it.

Typically, the quality and apparent location of the cords will reflect the type of connection you have or had. People who are in love will have cords connecting their heart chakras. If you have a sexual relationship, the lower chakras will be connected. Emotional connections tend to be in the second chakra as well.

Cords can reflect the nature of our relationships in other ways, too. I was once scanning a client’s aura for negative relationship cords that were still tethering her to a former partner (a recent breakup was her primary reason for the session). As I went to remove a cord from her throat chakra, it gave me the sense almost as if it were wrapped around her throat, trying to choke her. I asked my client whether her former partner often tried to silence her or if they had difficulty accepting some of the things she said. My client confirmed that this was the case.

Removing a cord like that can help a person to forgive their ex for any pain the experience caused, and help the client to move on more easily. If you read the last post, I talked about how past experiences can leave energetic imprints on us. Cords are a variation of that. Once they’re removed, it reduces the likelihood that we’ll repeat the same mistakes in our current relationships that we made in the past.

Why it helps to cord-cut after a breakup

As you can see, cords can be positive or detrimental. They exist between people we’re currently in relationship with. They also often hang around even when we’ve ended our external connection to another. This is why cord-cutting meditations and healing sessions are so important following a break-up or divorce. Even if you’re no longer regularly interacting with that person, you may still be connected energetically. Clearing that level will usually help to speed the recovery process, facilitate healing and forgiveness, and free up your energy so that there’s space for a new relationship to come in, if that’s your goal.

Why it’s good to cord-cut in current relationships

It can also be really helpful to current relationships to do regular “maintenance” by clearing negative cords even from people we wish to remain close to. This is something that I’ve noticed fewer healers talk about. I first learned to do this from a life coach named Kathryn Alice. Kathryn recommends that her clients do “release” meditations - which are just a variation of cord-cutting - to release their old lovers when they are trying to attract a new partner. But she also tells of how she does regular “releases” of her own husband, to whom she’s been happily married for over a decade.

Even the best relationships have less-than-awesome dynamics sometimes. Maybe it’s a fight that’s been resolved but is still hanging in the air. Maybe it’s insecurities and codependencies that interfere with real intimacy. By scanning your energy field for these types of cords and removing them gently, it can help in multiple ways.

First, by scanning to see where and how you’re corded, it helps bring awareness to how you may be feeling or acting in your relationship unconsciously. Second, it clears space for finding new ways to resolve issues - like getting to the root of old fears or finding a solution to that recurring fight. Finally, it helps to remove energies that may not belong to you that may be causing you to be confused about your own fears or needs versus those of the person you’re in relationship with. This is especially important for people who are very empathic and struggle to separate their own feelings from those of others.

Why your ex calls after a cord-cutting

If you get a healing focused on cutting negative cords from an ex-partner or an estranged parent, it’s not uncommon to hear from that person. It might seem totally out of the blue. The main reason is that cord-cutting helps us to drop the old narratives and thoughts we have about that connection. Our thoughts and beliefs about others and our relationships are powerful influences on how those connections play out. Once the old stories start to clear, new potential is created. It is as if the other person senses that, and feels compelled to reach out.

If this happens with someone that you’ve distanced yourself from, you’re not obligated to reconnect. You can take it as feedback that a lot of old energy was released. If you do wish to revive the relationship, the cord-cutting can help you restart on better footing. I highly recommend that anyone who’s experienced this, or who is contemplating whether to foster a previous connection again, check out this excellent video called “Self Pushed Out” from Candace Thoth about how our inner worlds influence our relationships. Her explanation may help you decide whether to invest in that relationship again, and she provides insight on how to have the outcome you prefer if you do.

Cords can form again

Annoying but true: Sometimes, multiple cord-cuttings are necessary. Certainly this is true for when we do cord-cuttings in our current relationships. If you’re always around and interacting with that person, you’re going to be corded! Since cords can be good, too, that’s a good thing. We just want to make sure that unhealthy cords don’t linger.

If you’ve been through a breakup after a particularly long or intense relationship with someone, or if one or both of you is struggling to get over the other, cords can re-form for a time. Maybe because you ran into that person, texted them, or even just thought about them a lot. Such is the nature of energy! Be patient with yourself, and if you find yourself thinking of your ex when you don’t want to, do a scan for some reattached or resurfaced cords.

Ready for a cord clearing?

If you want assistance clearing those cords, head here to schedule a distance healing session with me. Sessions may take place from anywhere in the world.

Can’t wait? Reading this at 2 AM? Access a video-based reiki session now. This 30-minute on-demand video session is focused on the heart chakra, cord clearing and relationship improvement. Access it as often as you want for 30 days.

As of 2021, I am not offering in-person healing sessions. I hope to occasionally offer in-person sessions to my Minneapolis/St. Paul-based clients again in the near future when it is safe to do so.